A Burst of Love

I’ve been exploring WordPress lately and finding some pretty amazing blogs. The world is full of interesting people with cool ideas (and some confusing people with disconcerting ideas, but hey). What I’ve found quite a lot of is stories of people trying to get healthy.

Weight, body image, and nutrition are all very close to my heart. They are something I’ve struggled with and something I’ve watched too many beautiful people, mostly women, struggle with as well. There is nothing worse that watching the people you love so dearly, hate themselves.

So if you’re reading this:

Hi there. You’re beautiful. Put down the scale and the measuring tape and the cookbooks and workout DVDs and classic 80s workout headband (actually, you can leave that on). Put it all down for a minute and congratulate yourself on even beginning this journey, because that part is hard too. There is a huge difference between “I should get healthy” and “I’m going to start taking these steps to be healthier.”

I’m proud of you.

Now, you can pick up all that stuff again because there is value in good diet and exercise and knowing where you’re at. There’s value in it but it isn’t connected to your value as a person. Please remember that.

Seven years ago I hit my highest weight, I was nearly 100 pounds heavier than I am now. I faced my own self hatred every day. Whenever I looked in the mirror, walked up a flight of stairs, felt full after a big meal, tried on clothes. Every moment I taunted myself, calling myself names, telling myself if I wasn’t so god damned lazy I’d be thin and pretty and lovable and just a little less worthless. I swore everyone was staring at me when I went out, staring because I was a disgusting glob of worthless human and we all knew it.

That time was hell for me, but I don’t regret being fat.

I will never regret the bigger waistbands or higher numbers on the scale. I regret that I have been this amazing person my entire life and I never stopped bullying myself long enough to see it. I didn’t suddenly get funnier or smarter or nicer as I shed the pounds, I just let myself exist with less unkindness. I regret that I allowed hate to rule my life instead of love.

For anyone out there trying to lose weight or eat healthier or exercise more or just love every bit of who you are: keep fighting. You’re going to fail, probably several times. You’re going to give up, sulk, and start again. In the bad times, remember how beautiful and perfect you are, read and re-read this post, hell, message me, I’ll talk you through it.

Just don’t forget that I’m proud of you and I’m willing to bet I’m not the only one. You probably have a gaggle of little fans out there, quietly cheering you on. Open your ears to them and forget the rest.

Best of luck!


3 thoughts on “A Burst of Love

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