About a month ago I was having coffee with BFF Jess, chatting about the future and all those scary, adult-y things.
Because Jess is leaving her current job at the end of May and then living in the woods for the summer,* she’s in the market for a new job for fall. Having applied to a few, she was feeling ok about some, more jazzed about others.
“You know, I really want the Montana job, but if I don’t get it, that’s ok. If the number one plan doesn’t work out, I’m sure I’ll find a new number one plan.”
Simple. Wildly complex.
Nothing should ever end your world, except the actually end of the world. If their is a meteor heading for Earth, feel free to stress cry, and then play that Ingrid Michaelson song, while standing on a hill in the wind looking ethereal until your ghastly end. Or whatever people do at the end of the world.
Outside of that scenario, there will always be another opportunity, another something new to be excited and nervous about.
Having done my fair share of failing in my life, I’d like to think that I let the bad stuff roll off me…mostly.
This week I’ve been studying for the WEST-E, which is the teaching certification test for Washington state. I will need to pass this in order to enter a master’s program and eventually become a certified teacher. No big deal.
Oh and it’s 110 multiple choice questions covering themes in all of U.S. and World History, Political Science, Geography, Civics, and Social Studies. Double no big deal.
I’ve been plugging along with studying just fine, each day getting through a few more pages of the study guide and trying to remember things from a college I left five years ago. Until last night.
Admittedly, I pushed it too hard. I worked an eight hour day and then studied for another four hours. It hit me that if I fail this test, this 110 question, multiple choice test, I will not only be $155, but I will not be able to go to school in Washington unless I wait until next September. Then I realized that if I can’t pass to Washington test, I probably can’t pass the New York test so there goes Columbia. From there it was your basic down-slide into my life becoming a total failure and me never achieving my goals.
I remained in a state of mixed stress, despair, and panic until Boyfriend coaxed me out of my room for a walk and a talk. We talked through every terrible possibility** and did a lot of shaking me and telling me to calm down, alternated with hugging me and telling me it’s ok.
When we got home he insisted on an hour break so I could eat something, wash up and watch an episode of Dr. Who. Somehow, instead of doing any of these things, I crumpled to the floor and stress cried in child’s pose.
Boyfriend laid down on the floor next to me and rubbed my back for a while:
Boyfriend: You’re silly. Do you know why I think you’re silly?
Me: …because I’m clearly just exhausted?
M: Because I’m freaking out about something that’s not the end of the world?
B: You’re silly because you are so convinced you’re going to do poorly, you haven’t even given yourself a chance to succeed.
And right there, two of my favorite people paved a path to peace of mind.
Don’t let anything end your world
Be kind to yourself, believe you can do it
Best of luck!
*I know, I would have to make up words to express how cool this girl is.
**Originally typed possible terribility. Fully typed out that way. Because my brain melted.