Some friends are like a prosthetic heart limb you didn’t know you were missing.
Aaannnnd some friends are like dairy products: wonderful for a while, then you start to wonder about them, then you have to get rid of them.
I’ve waited a couple of months to write about this because I had to get past the hurt and then the anger, and then the confusion and self doubt, and then the anger again. I’ve heard before that getting over a break-up (romantic or otherwise) is a little like grieving and I think that’s a fair.
Where to begin.
About ten years ago I met a human being at summer camp who made me laugh and just got me. It was one of those bonds that comes out of nowhere but didn’t fade.
A friendship grew over the years out of a similar sense of humor and interests and then strengthened as we stood by each other during hard times.
But somewhere, without either of us really realizing it, somewhere in those pivotal growing years, when we reclaimed our lives, our dreams, ourselves as our own, it began to sour.
It all came down to a stupid argument that wasn’t about what it was about. We fought about withheld anger and our changing identities using words like inattentive, self-centered. In the end, I understood: we are not the same people we were, we never will be. In order to save this friendship we’d have to start over.
Something neither of us had the energy to do.
In the last few months, the realization I came to was that letting go of the friendship doesn’t mean believing it was all fake or didn’t mean anything. Letting go of a friendship means letting go of something that no longer serves the people in it, but allowing the good memories to remain.
I love the memories of the time we spent together. They are, of course, slightly tinged with sadness right now, but that doesn’t make them bad. I will always cherish what was and know that it isn’t anymore and that’s ok.
I’m still angry and I think I will be for a long time. The people who know you the best can hurt you the worst. I can say though that it’s better this way.
Better to fly happy apart then trample each other.
Best of luck.