Feelings Friday: Love & Vulnerability

Recently Boyfriend and I had a very long talk in which we shared secrets.

27d567a3d73ce4da7757538868fb419f

I can honestly say I tell him everything, from anxiety to excitement to worry to happy dance time. From weird mood to weird bowel movement, we don’t keep many secrets. But there were a few small secrets from before our time that until our long talk, I’d held on to.

Now I’m not going to tell you what they are because they’re still secrets, and also because shut up, I’m totally not going to tell you, oh my gosh, stoooop.

The point of this story is that telling secrets can be beautiful. It can move a relationship forward and build trust. It can bond you closer than ever before. I knew all of this, it’s why I decided to share.

What I didn’t realize is that that closeness, that bond, that truth between two people can also make a previously commitment-phobic, runaway girl feel all sorts of sudden panic.

tumblr_m87rwo3hsa1qfo3ndo2_250

It took me a little while to process what was happening to me. This was a persistent ache, shivers running up my spine and a headache of cloudy dread. I honestly thought for a while that I was getting sick, but it’s wasn’t some winter illness. No cold. No flu. This was vulnerability.

For years everything I am; good, bad, and ugly (soulful, silly, strange), has belonged to me. I owned my heart. As it turns out, allowing another human in there can hurt. It’s absolutely terrifying when you least expect it to be. It can be crushing and anxious and feel so wrong.

And still I wouldn’t give Boyfriend up for anything.

the-lion-king-romance-scene

Because my heart is no longer this clean, pristine thing that I can carry around in a safe; I’ve given parts of it to Boyfriend, for him to hold and I know that he’ll care for it. Still it feels like handing off your newborn; the panic is natural, and something to be overcome.

So I’ll remain vulnerable, I’ll continue to give little bits of my heart to Boyfriend and hold on to bits of his.

tumblr_static_tumblr_lohcr4l9yz1ql52lko1_500

Best of luck.

This last gif has nothing to do with this post but I thought it might be a good day brightener. I’ll just leave this here…

c3983d23e6b2acc0f4ca41b75e731c4b

Advertisements

2 thoughts on “Feelings Friday: Love & Vulnerability

  1. That last gif is hilarious. Thank you for that. It’s beautiful.

    Your post is also lovely. I hope that you know that while being vulnerable is very important in relationships, it’s also important to remember that you must always take care of you – don’t let yourself become so vulnerable that Boyfriend holds more of your heart than you do, because then you will lose sight of yourself. And let go slowly. Lots of love! 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

    • Glad you enjoyed the gif. I probably stared at it for ten minutes just chuckling to myself. You make an excellent point, it’s also important to hold on to yourself. So far it hasn’t been an issue for me but relationships are ever evolving things. Thank you for sharing your thoughts!

      Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s