***Ghost: verb (ghost, ghosting; past: ghast) The act of suddenly ceasing all communication with someone the subject is dating, but no longer wishes to date. See: being a douche.

Dear Crap Weasel,

You. Yes, you. You suck. Alright, that’s out of the way, that was very important and you should remember that, but let’s get down to the details.

Why did you feel it was appropriate to disappear off the face of the planet after days, weeks, months of spending time together? After binge watching a new TV show together – one I will have to give up now. After telling me all of the things you love about me – my laugh, my eyes, my sense of humor, my brain, my blahblahblahyousuck.

Hem. Sorry.

Why did you feel you could walk away without so much as a peep after we went to that sketchy looking Chinese buffet and spent two days throwing up in front of each other? After getting drunk together and crying to me about your relationship with your dad. After telling me you never wanted to leave my side, that you’d never stop loving me.

What compelled you to go, dear Crap Weasel?

The thing that kills me the most is your words. You had so many for me before: love, together, forever. And then one day you lost all your words. There was no more love, no more together, no more forever. Suddenly you were gone and I was nothing to you.

What made you wake up one morning and decide I wasn’t worth your words? Forget love, what about goodbye? What about sorry? I wasn’t even worth an emoji?

I’ve been sitting in my room for three days now. I drank whiskey-sodden ice cream and cried over you, I texted you too many times and let my words turn sour, and then I took a shower, I listened Lemonade and danced around in my underwear, and I remembered that I was me before your words and I am me without them.

You, my dear, you’re nothing. No words, no love, no nothing.

You’re just a ghost.


The Living