Failing, Failed, Failure

Alright, hard truth time: I got one of my certification exam scores back and I failed.

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I failed.

I got my score report tonight while sitting with a group of fellows in my program and my instinct was to say nothing. To never say anything. To privately retake the test and pretend I never failed.

But I did. I failed.

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Iย can spout off a million positive quotes from a million Pinterest boards but failing and philosophizing about failing are not the same. Failing hurts. It punches you right in the pride and fills you with panic and self doubt.

I tell my students that failing is part of a process, that failing is just learning in disguise. But failing sucks and I’m a hypocrite.

All this time I thought I was great and I wasn’t.

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So I said it out loud. I almost cried but I said it out loud. And I was met with commiseration. I was met with empathy. I was met with two amazing teachers who told me they’d failed once before too. That it doesn’t make me dumb, that I’ll retake it and be fine.

Because people fail and it sucks and they get over it. Because sometimes it’s bad until it gets better.

So I failed but damn it if I’m not still fantastic.

Best of luck.

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