1. He is always late, or running on his own made-up schedule
I get there ten minutes early everyday just in case he’s early and somehow I still miss him and have to wait another 20 minutes, only to find out he’s not coming at all and I’ll have to hang out with his local friend who walks slow and needs to stop every 8 blocks.
2. He never tells me what’s actually wrong
It’s always “there has been an incident at 14th street” with this one. Just tell me what I said that upset you, no need to leave cryptic messages and then sit for way too long pouting at 96th St.
3. He robs me blind every month
This jerk takes money from me every month, promises to put it into making our life together better and then blows it on whatever he wants. There’s no way I’m giving him that much money and he can’t afford new trains…he’s taking my money to the tracks I know it…
4. There are times when I would rather walk five miles than see him
Too often I’d rather go way out of my way than have to deal with his malarky. Sometimes I just don’t go out because it would take too much out of me to see him again.
5. He thinks he’s so underground
Rats and inexplicable dampness don’t make you cool, treating others with respect makes you cool. That was of course a reference to this video because I’m a nerd.