The (Late) 2017 Bucket List

At the beginning of college I got my first credit card. Don’t worry, I’ve always been ridiculously responsible about budgeting, this story’s not going down that road. What I recall almost as deeply as the nightmares I had about the possibility of interest payments, is getting my first statement.

It wasn’t that I’d spent a lot of money, it’s that every line item on the statement was a fast food restaurant or something I ordered from the internet. My credit card statement was a story of me as a shut-in. It was not an untrue story.

I wish I could say I saw this sad story and immediately changed; went full Eat, Pray, Love and traveled the world, sky dived and moved to a new city, danced like no one was watching. I did none of those things, because isn’t life lived in the small changes and the tiny moments?

Yes, it is.

So I went to a few more stand up shows and plays, I made my meals out into dates with friends, and I traded a few pretty dresses for road trips and ridiculous midnight adventures. I learned to get back into the world and be a bit more brave and a bit less tied to things.

When I heard about Eventbrite‘s GOMO, or Get Out More Often, I thought “that sounds pretty baller.” And then I thought “damn, son, you need to stop picking up slang from your students.”

In all seriousness though, there’s a huge life lesson here and you know how I love those. So in the spirit of GOMO! (something I will be yelling randomly all over NYC’s subways), here’s a list of 10 adventures I’d like to have this year.

*I’m putting a couple on here I already did, because, well, I want to brag a little too*

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1. Go To the Oscars

I did this. So…

2.  See a Play

I hadn’t totally planned on it, but I did this today too. Casually went to see Hamilton with my students. More on that later.

3. Get Out of Town

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New York is draining, which is surprising since I’ve yet to live in a New York apartment with decent sink and shower drains. In our year plus here, Boyfriend and I have only left the city a hand full of times, mostly to fly home or get out for a weekend camping trip. This year I really want to go somewhere quiet, stay in a B&B and relax for real. I want to be not just New York relaxed, but actually relaxed.

4. Have a Picnic

It doesn’t have to be in Central Park or Prospect Park or any park. I just want to make sandwiches and pack them to green, nature area and eat them in the company of those I love.

5. Go Camping

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This tends to happen a few times during the summer but it’s something that I really like and Boyfriend LOVES. Nature is the great healer and no matter how hot/humid/disgusting this summer is, we have to get out there.

6. Write a Story

I’m keeping expectations low because I won’t even finish grad school until August. So, not a novel, nothing epic, just a story. I have ideas in my head all the time and I used to do a lot more writing them. Time to get back to that.

7. Do a Yoga Retreat

Yoga brings me as much peace as nature does and I’ve been wanting to try one of these for a long time. This year I want to bite the bullet and go all in for a weekend (or maybe a week).

8. Take the Train

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Not the subway. Dear god, never the subway. The actual train. I don’t even really care where I go, I just want to go. On the train.

9. Be Present in the Blogging Community

I have made a few great blogging friends and interacted with other bloggers and I genuinely love this community so much. Grad school and teaching tend to keep me from both blogging (whoops) and making deeper connections with other bloggers (double whoops). This year I want to get back to the blog and jump in to the community.

10. Get a Tattoo with Boyfriend

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I should note: I definitely don’t mean matching tattoos. I truly believe though that it’s an experience worth having with someone you love and Boyfriend has not yet gotten a tattoo. I’m working on designing one for him and as for me, who know, could turn out as anything.

Best of luck.

P.S. Eventbrite also has some crazy cool planning tools, like this one. Check them out!

Regrets (suck)

I can’t remember now when I heard these words or who said them to me, but I specifically remember someone saying to me:

well…I just don’t want you to regret it

Those words, even now when I cannot place them, even now when I don’t remember the struggle, those words make me angry. This monster-under-the-bed that is regret makes me hot with anger and prickle with fear.

Regret. Ugh.

Sometimes regret is personal, it’s a wish that you had done something differently. I regret spending so much of my time in college hating college instead of changing my situation. I regret putting off the relationship talk with Boyfriend for almost four years a really long time. I regret waiting until I was 22 to start running.

I also acknowledge that those regrets are just small pieces me. They are emotions tied to unchangeable bits of my life, a life that I love and wouldn’t change anything about. My regrets made my life imperfect but if I went back and changed things, I might change me.

What bothers me about regret is that, largely, it isn’t just personal regret, it’s not about growth or memories. I feel bombarded with messages that if I don’t go out tonight, I’ll regret it or if I eat that piece of pizza, I’ll regret it or if I don’t take every opportunity and fill up every moment of rest, I’ll regret it. Continue reading

Take a Walk

Being supportive is difficult. I was not born a bra.

A few weeks ago I found myself in serious want of a new apartment and a new job, so I set out to find myself these things. Boyfriend and I decided to move in together which was an amazing and groundbreaking and totally complicated my plans.

Boyfriend has been working for his family for a few months and is hesitant to get another job. Not because he’s afraid of working, not because finding a job is hard, but because he wants to take a month this summer and hike the Pacific Crest Trail.

Inside my sometimes overthinking grown-up brain I had a million thoughts about how that complicates us getting an apartment, him getting a job, etc, etc, etc. I pushed him into applications and interviews. I pushed him to fit into a mold I’d created. I was clouded, unfair butt-head.

Boyfriend has had this dream to hike the Washington part of the PCT for years. He’s planned, he’s ready and it’s in his heart pushing on him every day.

So I have to be supportive. I love him so it’s my job to support the dreams that live in his heart.

And worry my face off about him for a solid 30 days*

*Minus the 7 days I’ll be hiking with him : )

Ten Things: Friendship Edition

Last week I was a very lucky human indeed. Two of my best friends from high school (one of whom was BFF Jess of previous post fame, the other we’ll call Shawn), Boyfriend, and I got together and went a’campin’.

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It’s been at least five years since the three of us were all together and had that lovely group dynamic of old.

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Friendships are complex, beautiful and sometimes hard things that require a lot of love and patience. So I bring you; 10 Things: Friendship Edition: Continue reading